Daisy.

My latest piece… inspired by this poem.

I saw you. 

prints available here - giclee heavyweight paper and canvas

Unfolded and unmasked, 
blanketed there in front of me. 
Seagulls outside, 
sounding away softly.

The angles of your body
cascading as water would
in the ocean’s gleam of morning light.
A shimmering crystal glow,
reflecting the shadows of your spine.
Imagining the tip of my finger gliding
along its smooth edge,
fountains of water trickling below the pad of my fingertip… 
causing water to drip down,
onto ripples of blankets.

Bare back and body uncovered,
Glistening before my eyes.
Soft breaths and gentle
tremors over butterfly eyelids. 
Your skin inhaled
this new day’s
pure breath of sunlight.

Dandelion.
Skin. Delicate. 
I imagine it to be soft. 
Lush like a daisy.
Petals of pure perfection…
Putting Venus to shame.

This memory of you
nestled within me,
for it’s all I have left
to remember you by.

It buries itself beneath
the thick undertow
of my obstructed thoughts. 

Pulling at the edges of the covers,
It sucks you into it…
and swallows you whole. 

Wilting beneath the waves.

"all too well" painting reveal 🧣

“all too well”
oil and canvas on canvas
24” x 36”
inspired by Taylor Swift’s song “all too well”
sad girl autumn in full swing this year…

words of mine inspired by the song and the feelings that it emulates:

I think sometimes
that a memory can eat you alive
with its vivacity, its color - the imagined brightness and saturation of it all.

Dead leaves being plucked from the ground and expected to replenish themselves on broken branches.

Something once untouched,
now tarnished.
Crumpled like paper.

I believe some things aren’t meant to be smoothed out and minted again,
but rather,
to be left in pieces -
to be whole again.

My New Studio

There’s gray area between day-to-day mundanities and the child-like enthusiasm from our pasts that used to light us on fire.

If you scroll all the way back to my first post… from 2014… it’s a black and white sketch of a child that states
“the creative adult is the child who survived.”

I do think that there’s space between when we were young and wild and when the world began to place it’s burdens on us. We become results. We want to produce. The only way that we feel fulfilled is through this production and how much can be squeezed into one day. Fill that to-do list and get it all over with.
We forget to breathe.
Are we really?

It tells you that creativity is a hobby and you should feel ashamed to take up space in it.
The word IRS seems to blur that golden energy of my inner child who only saw sunshine and rainbows and splashes of paint through rose-colored glasses.

”Awwww… look at her new hobby - she’s always so lost in those paints.”
”Oooh is she okay… she is a bit quiet and always in her own little world.”
”What is she going to school for?” cue the eye roll
”What is it that you do exactly… Ooh you’re an artist.” cue the confused, blank yet mindful glare.

I still tend to see these fears creeping up on me when confronted with questions or triggers from the past.
Not being taken seriously as a woman and especially a woman in the fine arts. I digress…… ANYWAYS

Today feels like the day.
The first day that I have chosen to satisfy her.
To sit with that inner voice on these concrete floors and stare up at the blank white walls with the same child-like wonderment and excitement from years ago - when I was laying on a blanket in my backyard staring at the blades of grass and mud and glaring up into the tree branches where it felt like nothing bad could ever happen. I didn’t quite know what “bad” entailed or that there were other things going on beyond that hill.

I’ve painted on my bed, on my parent’s dining room table, on the floor, on walls and now here.
Each place possessing a different meaning and energy altogether.
I never knew that staring into an empty white wall with my easel could bring me this much hope.

The girl in the last photo is beaming right now.
She is an artist.

I try to approach life from that same child-like lens.
It may lead you to disappointment, heartache and failure, but I’m convinced there’s no better way to approach it.
Follow that fire that’s always been in you, in whatever capacity.
She’s there.

UniteUK Feature: Painting From the Female Gaze

Check out my feature on the UniteUK website - an LGBTQ+ platform curated by Queer Women to discuss an array of topics to improve stigma, stereotypes & representation.

They reached out and wanted to ask me about my new piece “girls in purple” featuring @thejellyfilledgirls 💜
Support their platform as well as The JFG :) Links below:

screenshot from their website

sneak peek

my 1000th order 🥲💕

accurate mood (photo #3)

1000 orders???!!!

my email of order #1000

tysm for all of the support this past year - I cried today when I received my 1000th print order. It’s a huge milestone for me and my mood rn is photo #3🥺🥲💙

first pic is me attempting to beat the camera timer and also me in my natural habitat ☕️😁 (I swear that shelf is organized and I will buy real tables sooner or later) 📦

But for real… thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you for allowing me to create the things that young me only dreamed of 🥺❤️
i’ve shipped all over the world and couldn’t be happier to share with you.

Also 4th pic is hung up in my studio as a reminder for why I do what I do. I wrote it down last year - I hope that you can see your own stories represented through these works - I truly believe art connects and heals. ❤️

photo #4 (the reason that i do what i do)

National Coming Out Day 💚

National Coming Out Day

Usually I would construct a post about myself where I talked about how proud that I am that I am finally painting the things that light my soul on fire - things I used to be afraid to paint openly - encouraging you to do the same.

me with my painting of Evelyn Hugo

Which I would still like to do with this.

However, I’d like to recognize that coming out is all about truth - recognizing your own, standing in all that you are and being fully authentic and transparent in that.
I am recognizing each day that my own truth is a growing one, not a standstill moment. It’s a constant.

I misinterpreted someone else’s identity based on my own lens and idea of who they were.
A fictional character - yes - but I bypassed her cultural identity and details within the book based on my own perceptions.
It did not feel like an authentic interpretation so I did something that I had never done.

Cultural erasure is real and I would never want to express that in my work.

My whole mission is to bring to light stories that have been neglected or ignored in the past.

I am now proud to call this piece my own.

This is my final piece of Evelyn Hugo.
16” x 20”
oil on canvas

on homophobia...

Being Seen. 🏳️‍🌈

Happy National Lesbian Visibility Day 🏳️‍🌈

It brought up a lot of emotions and feelings for me today.
This will probably be my longest caption ever.

To be blunt - feeling seen can be scary.

Identifying with a label can be scary.

(Warning: i go a bit deep here & idc)

“Two women can’t possibly have a long-term relationship.”

The day this opinion was spoken to me... I felt my voice cut out and fall numb. A tightness grew below my chest and went straight to the bone.
I knew then, that I felt unseen.
I also found out that it’s sometimes harder to actually be seen.

Ms. Perfectly Fine, oil on canvas

Honestly, it’s sometimes quite difficult. 
When I came out (and as I continue to come out to people) I’m flooded with ideas of (what will this person think of me now... are they judging me... did their opinion of me change?)

There seems to be a slight hesitation to being fully seen in your light.
Fully seen as a human and not a “stereotype.”
Another honest sentence... I don’t even like the initial word “lesbian.”
I started to like it after learning about the Greek island of “Lesbos” but that’s another story...anyway...I’m flailing here.

I always noticed a space missing as a woman who was interested in other women.
In my own life but mostly in art.
Well to begin, it was comprised mainly of male artists and secondly the subject matter was almost always women. Ironic. 

Anyway... 
Art made me feel seen.

It gave me a voice to communicate ideas in a louder way.
I’d draw pictures of actresses or women’s faces and make up excuses that I just liked to paint their “face shape.”
Why did I want to paint them? I’d beat myself up over it again and again.

Temptation, oil on canvas

I used to look at older paintings that men did of women in art school (mostly always men as I said before) and have a slight feeling of jealousy or envy at their ability to paint them.

*sidenote: i know men can paint women beautifully as well*

Excess, oil on canvas

With that being said, when I viewed the pieces back then they seemed very glazed over and flat. 
A simple silhouette that really didn’t have a backstory or a narrative.
Her hips accentuated and a disproportionately shaped body.
What was the meaning?

A woman is more than that.
I felt I had a different lens.
I noticed the gentler, subtle movements.
Picking out slight gradations of skin tone, a curve of the neck, body language.
Feeling something that sank to the deepest part of me.

Right Where You Left Me, oil on canvas

Bringing this light and airiness to the canvas.
Allowing my heart to paint what it wanted as I allowed myself the same.
My paintings have grown with me over the years.
I will continue to paint what comes through and also what scares me initially.
Those are where the best ideas bear fruit.

Self-Reflection, oil and acrylic on canvas

My ability to express my voice has changed and I am far from being perfect at it.
All I know is I want to be a voice in the fine arts for you wlw out there. 
A voice, a gentle whisper, an echo — some semblance of sound.
There is nothing wrong with that soft place beneath your heart space that lights up with pure joy when you see her.

And if you can see parts of your own narratives in my paintings just the slightest bit... I will feel that picking up the brush is worth it.

Sending you love today.

Halie

Joy & Sorrow

it’s okay to feel ❤️

📦 preparing her for shipment today

🎨 “right where you left me”, 16”x20” oil on canvas

💭 excerpt from a poem on joy & sorrow by Kahlil Gibran:

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?

~

Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.”

❤️ thought this one really resonated with this particular piece.

Stepping into the light.

☯️ It’s always been easier to step into my shadow self.
To step into the darkness — the comforts of being incognito.
A soft place
for my shadows to welcome me in
and offer concealment.
I didn’t have to identify
with my features, my skin,
my sexuality,
my facade,
where I grew up, which sports that I played or
the neighborhood that I lived in.
I slipped into my humble corner of the world and freed myself with
pencils and paints.
It was my safe haven - I was protected there.
I allowed the tips of my fingers to translate the words I couldn’t say.
The light from the canvas lifted the dim curtains of my eyelids,
peeling them back and
blinking softly to allow the light to drift in slowly.
You see, the darkness was always gentle.
It never forced me to stand openly in the daylight.
Blindingly.
The light illuminated everything I didn’t want to believe,
But grew to accept and understand.
I’ve learned hiding eats away at you
& consumes you entirely
yet we cannot have one without the other.
’Tis the yin and yang of life.
There’s power in both. ☀️🌙

Comparing the old with the new...

I’ve always said that if you want to know me or more about me — just take a look at my art.

To those who have recently followed me or those who have followed me for quite awhile now, this is a photo of me with one of my first paintings ever. It is titled “The Danger Zone”and I painted it back in 2011 (almost 10 years ago.) The one behind me is “Excess,” my most recent painting and largest to date.

I am a firm believer in finding value in reflection and in looking back at your life to see patterns and beliefs – seeing these patterns reflected back through your own paintings, writings, photos, etc.
As I look at my painting, “The Danger Zone,” I ask myself one thing.
Besides the questions of “why the hell did I come up with that title”… and “why is there a sun present in the depths of the ocean” –
I ask myself: what if there isn’t some crazy, detailed formula, but a simple distinction.
What if I really just thought sharks were cool and wanted to paint them –
and that’s all it is.

Maybe there isn’t some drawn-out, specific formula for why we create what we do.
Why we choose to paint the beauty that we do at that particular moment in our lives.
Beauty being something that pleases without interest.

Simply put,
What we see true value in; we paint.
As artists, we dive deep within ourselves to express that with simple, colored mud – paint.
Understanding the complexities as well as the simplicities.
The balance of welcoming in the new and remembering the old.

How to EMBODY Being an Artist - Stepping Into Your Power

I suppose that what one focuses on, truly does expand.

If you would’ve told me last year that I would have a SEPARATE space for my art studio… I would’ve thought you were insane.
I used to paint on my dining room table at home and my mom would get mad at me for taking up space and making a mess (she recently called me and told me that she missed this.)
In college, I didn’t have a secure studio space for my work — well, I did, I just made excuses not to go (didn’t realize at the time how disconnected I’d been from my work.)
I used to hide away with my work in my bedroom and stuff drawings and paintings into every nook and corner of my room.
Last year, when I moved into my own space, I propped up my canvases in my studio apartment.
I bought a small desk and was proud to have a designated space for my works.
I was grateful for the small amount of space I did have to create.
This year — well… I’ll get into that in a second. I need a moment of reflection.

My space last year… yes that’s my microwave.

I suppose it’s a matter of space. Of taking up space.
I have a calm demeanor…or so I’m told.
I’ve always been a bit frugal. I suppose it’s something that I picked up on when I was younger.
I was shy. I didn’t interrupt in conversation and it’s safe to say I don’t really do that now unless I’m comfortable.
What I’m getting at… is that I never wanted to take up space.
It didn’t come naturally.
I realized that I shouldn’t get angry at myself about this — for; I am currently healing beliefs and experiences from my past.

Let’s rewind…
I’d have a bin of art supplies that I tucked away under my bed and laid out when I was ready to create.
I’d sketch late in the night when my parents would fall asleep and I was awakened by the light of the moon — free of distraction.
I would draw and paint photos of celebrities that made me feel validated and sure of myself (thank you Lauren Jauregui.)
I would lie about why I was creating these empowering images.
I wanted the representation… I wanted to tell stories visually with these figurative works.

I’ve grown to realize that life’s too short to hide what’s important to you.
Silencing the inner critic and realizing that your work can be seen and valued — stepping into that power yourself.
Stop hiding your works under your bed and shoving them “into the closet.”
Make do with what you have and allow yourself to grow creatively.
It is a matter of healing those limiting beliefs and traumas that society seems to suppress.
It is a matter of embodying the work fully and choosing to embrace it.

Don’t listen to the nay-sayers.
This is not a hobby.
Good god, please listen to me if no one else is telling you.
TAKE UP ROOM.
YOU DESERVE IT.

Your higher self would like the room to speak.
She is waiting for you.
Allow her the space to do so.

I suppose it’s only natural then — when I construct a canvas as tall as me that my heart picks up and I question why it’s worth it to take up space in this world with this idea.
When I have enough room for all of my paints and my coffee.
Space to lean back and look at it from another angle.
My ego begins to question.
Such a big project… for what?
I suppose it’s about learning to honor the commitment. Sticking to the process.
Hearing her out.

Being prepared so when someone asks me why I’m creating this 6 foot tall painting that is not commissioned… I will kindly respond, “Because she told me to.”

newest piece - work in progress

Venus Re-Imagined | Inspired by Art History

For me, there’s a draw towards looking at art from antiquity and re-defining it in the modern landscape.

I took an art history class back in college (I know that I’m already phrasing it as if it were 50 years ago… even though it does feel like that.)
That’s besides the point… anyway, it was one of my favorite classes.
Overall, there’s something that is so fascinating about time and art –– the way art transcends time, yet reflects the period and landscape in which it was created.
There’s a unique wonder in diving into each artist’s brain to try and grasp how they were thinking of their work and what they were drawn to. I suppose there was a romanticized way in which I thought of these things… trying to understand the meanings behind the subject matter, technique and composition choices.
Even more so, just seeing how human beings must create — it being in our DNA — and firmly believing that it is our connection to the divine.

Upon taking this class, I was drawn towards different styles and concepts: one being the concept of Venus.

Who is Venus? Goddess of love and beauty?
”An idealized version of a woman - pure perfection.”

I suppose I was drawn to it based on the fact that I knew this to be untrue. Subjectively of course.
Knowing that we all inherently possess flaws and imperfections.

Even still, the concept encapsulated me.

As the years go on and I continue to develop my own body of work and what I am passionate about… I consistently come back to beauty and perfection. This draw towards something impossible. This want for something that can never happen.

When I begin my compositions… there is always a twist. Always something that is brewing underneath the idea of ‘the perfect composition.’ For example, I can start with a “normal” / “untouched” image, yet end up re-imagining it in a whole different sense. Quite naturally, watching it develop dualistically with opposing elements that contrast one another.

What exactly?
Darkness and light, flowers and smoke, abundance and scarcity, old and young… etc.

For; this seems natural. Duality is so organic and in a sense perfect — two contrasting elements creating wholeness and unity.

“The Birth of Modern Venus” by Halie Torris. oil on canvas 32” x 48”.

One of my favorite paintings of all is Botticelli’s Venus (top image on right.)
I have always wanted to put a spin on it, but never knew exactly how I wanted to do so. I didn’t want it to seem forced and I also didn’t want to take on such an iconic piece. After years of considering it, during the start of quarantine, I finally chose - to start her. I started to paint and create something that was soft and delicate — pristine and polished. There wasn’t much substance to it besides the fact that I was attempting to recreate an iconic piece. Because of this gap in inspiration — I abandoned her.

the state i left her in.

Yep. Gone. Bye. Walked away and never looked back.
In fact, I left her in such a state I considered if I even knew what the heck I was trying to do with it.

Yes, this was the state I left her in. Please forgive me.

Anyways, this painting was a whirlwind.
She twisted and turned, morphing into and out of focus.
At one point, a tree was growing out of her leg.
I’ll include this image as well.
I couldn’t figure out her face.
The scallop shell didn’t seem right.
It didn’t blend.

My ego fed me excuse after excuse until I reached the conclusion that I just had to try. So as I painted, I educated myself.
I listened to videos about Venus in correlation to Aphrodite and depictions of Greek mythology. I got hooked on learning about this mythology and uncovering more and more about Venus/Aphrodite herself.

I learned about Venus de Milo - an ancient Greek sculpture of Venus that was found in an old cavern by a peasant. It was recovered and there was conspiracy over how her arms were ‘removed’ or ‘fell off.’
Today, she is considered one of the most iconic pieces of beauty in the world. This concept of beauty - brokenness - perfect imperfection.

I adore this so much.

the “tree”

In fact, it was the missing piece for me.
This duality of sorts.

I suppose it’s because I’ve experienced it.
I’ve seen this broken beauty in the ones I love most.
The ones that show me their vulnerabilities and break their hearts wide open. Peeling back their own masks and letting their inner light glisten throughout.
They cry, they curse, they get p*ssed off.
They f*ck up.
They are real.
They are pristine.

To me, it was previously lacking.
This representation of Venus had to embody this quality.
Combining two iconic representations of beauty and making them into one — in this landscape.
Masks strewn about, unearthing herself from the depths of the sea.

She is masked abundance.
She glows from the inside.
She is ‘perfect’ in her own sense.

As are we.

If you’d like to hear more about the Greek mythology aspect, feel free to check out my podcast “The Closeted Artist” located anywhere you listen to your podcasts.

The Birth of Modern Venus

from $30.00

size conversion:
imperial ➡️ metric

inches | centimeters
8.5” x 11” | 21.59 x 27.94
11” x 14” | 27.94 x 35.56
12” x 18” | 30.48 x 45.72
16” x 24” | 40.64 x 60.96
18” x 24” | 45.72 x 60.96
30” x 36” | 76.2 x 91.44

for stretching: please select (add 3+ inches for canvases that you would like to stretch) in addition to the canvas print that you’d like
more sizing faq here

My first visual poem.

I haven't taken the time out of my day in awhile... to simply write.

To write – that being my only intention.

But, this morning, I chose to take some time for journaling by the ocean.
Taking the time to make myself a coffee, lay down my beach towel and set some intentions for the day.
My mind quieted and I started to hear these words, in turn, writing this short poem.

I decided to make it visual and show you exactly what I was seeing as I was writing and then recording my voiceover. I love the experience of a visual poem and I hope this one gives you a little peace today.

Inspired by 2020.

Welcome to my studio.

I wake up and look out the window.
It is a grey morning and a slight smile appears on my face.
I’ve been like this since I was little, finding comfort in being inside on dreary days.
A day to spend as I wish.

There is something about the way the Earth seems to take a breath.
Fully inhale and exhale, releasing energy that was pent-up inside waiting to be released all at once.

Raindrops trickling down the outside panels of my apartment.
The warm lighting in my studio reflecting off the walls and inviting me to step inside.
In an instant, I am overcome with a deep sense of gratitude and fully take in the space.

messy paint tubes
a self portrait from years ago when I dreamt of living near the sea
a Venus print
shipping supplies
my Dali postcard from Spain
my new painting
books
journals
my camera

I glance at the fuzzy horizon line along the ocean outside the window and run my hand along the edge of my desk, setting down my warm cup.
Glancing at the walls, which are delicately decorated with artists that inspire me and quotes from those I idolize.
My space.
I repeat this to myself as if it was unknown to me before, as if I’m just fully realizing it now and becoming aware of it.
Whatever else is on my mind completely dissipates.

For now, I am present.
As the Earth breathes out rain droplets –
and pours them into the wide, open ocean,
I sit in this space…
And it gently breathes me in and whispers calmly, “welcome.”

Pride Month Poem | "There's a reason why."

Before I came out, I always searched for a reason why.
Why was I like this, why did I have to deal with this.
Why did I feel this way about her,
around her, with her, in her presence,
not in her presence and everywhere all at once.

It wasn’t fair or right or justified.
It just was.
This month, I’ve been reflecting more and more on my years prior to coming out and during the process. I’ve been out for almost 3 years now since first accepting myself and here’s a snippet of words regarding why.

If you have these types of feelings or relate to this in any way, shape or form –
I am here, I relate, I see you & I hear you.

digital edit by me, original photography by Gregory Poulos.

There is a reason why.

There is a reason why
words spray frivolously from the tips of your fingers when the topic comes up.
Why she is all you can think about while painting.
When you see something online or on TV and it lights a fire in the pit of your stomach igniting words
that fail to leave your mouth and end up burning ashes into the tip of your tongue.
So you sit silently and politely, head full of smoke
like a vessel waiting to explode due to the pressure of constant suppression.

There is a reason why
you feel differently
when you look out the window or up at the sky,
longing for something more.
Listening to a song and biting onto every word that resonates –
That describes how you feel about her.

There is a reason why
the thoughts of “it” wake you from sleep
as soon as you close your eyes.
Or worse… when it is the first thing on your mind at the start of the day
as you glare at the shadow reflecting back at you in the mirror shamefully.
”Here’s the start of another beautiful, wondrous day walking about as a zombie would… here we go again.”

There is a reason why
you reach for your phone and your heart drops when you see her name.
Why you look forward to every single moment with her, even the most simple.
Why you undermine your true feelings and deem them unworthy because of your gender.
”She will never feel like this about me for; I’m only a girl and that’s already too much.”

There is a reason why
you are envious of how simple it looks
for the guys at the bar.
Strong and smooth like Don Julio Tequila,
stinging the back of your throat
making your eyes fall hazy.
”I need another shot.”

There is a reason why
you can’t describe
how her name sends a ringing down your spine and an aching in your chest.
Your veins pulse and your body responds,
Trying to calm itself in doses,
Repeatedly attempting to tranquilize itself –
Except the needle is her.
”Numb this part of me whole so I don’t have to feel your electric pulses.”

But you forever remind yourself there is a reason why.

How she felt like home and a cozy
sanctuary to let your words rest inside
- in one second -
and then a cold, barren, shipwrecked version of hell the next.
A place you wouldn’t dare set down a word to rest
without the ground breaking below you
sending you deeper into nothingness.

There is a reason why
You will never dilute yourself and your truth
for her benefit.
You will never stop
feeling these emotions and letting them consume you entirely
even the ones that leave you feeling disheveled and swallowed whole.

Watching thoughts of her bubble in your head
The best of the best,
The worst of the worst,
Blinking into and out of your consciousness.
Highlighting the moments that took your breath away
and the ones you’d rather not say.

All of these emotions
Reaching the top of your brain
then disappearing into mid-air.
While you finally surrender to the fact
That you are worthy &
It’s okay to feel this way.

There is reason why
even in the midst of her chaos,
You can still find the calm
within yourself.
There is a reason why
you chose to love yourself first.

Manifesting... this sh*t works | why i quit my job

Manifesting… yea sounds like a very woo woo word.
It does.
But it works.

Once upon a time…
2 years ago, I was unhappy in a job that I wasn’t passionate about… in a city that I didn’t want to live in.
With angst on one of my lunch breaks, in an artsy, little coffee shop, I would write angrily in my journal about the life I didn’t want.
(oh yes, cue the dramatic sound effects)
Yes, you read that right. The life I didn’t want.
It didn’t start to change until my energy was directed at what I did want.

So I wrote it down.
In detail.
And it went something like this…

I want to live by the ocean.
Drink coffee on my balcony.
Go on a morning run and paint most of the day.
Eat a mango for breakfast.
Live on my own.
Focus on the simple things.

It was a highly detailed (even though this doesn’t sounds like it :D)… yet simple journal entry that took me around a half hour to complete. It was so freeing and allowed me to detach from my current reality.

2 years later… this is my reality.
Sitting in my apartment that now has my own studio space AND is 50 steps from the ocean.
Which isn’t to say it was all sunshine and happy rainbows.
It was not.

Sure it was work. Tough work in fact.
It was not a one-and-done type of situation.

There were lots of emotions, nights spent going out, having a drink and having fun… getting caught up in the freedom of it all.
I lived in a small studio apartment for a year and a half that fit my basic essentials where there was just enough space to paint.
There were also nights spent sweating and busting my butt to serve tables in a restaurant.
Dealing with angry customers, forming relationships with those I never thought that I would.
It humbled me.
I was a whole vibe… wearing the “I can do whatever I want, I am making money and I’m living on my own,” persona and mentality.

old apt.

new apt.

2 years ago, I quit my graphic design job to make ends meet while also pursuing my art. (I graduated with graphic design degree)
Diving headfirst into it blindly.
Maneuvering in and out of relationships that served or didn’t serve my best interests.
That benefitted or drained me.
Either or.
Life happened. I lived and learned.
But, it was what happened here by the ocean that got me back on track and led me to my spirituality.

You get past the distractions when you stray from your own path.
You feel it in your gut.
When you’re in alignment with those who understand and surround yourself with community… you see growth. :) (s/o to my art coach @katerinaspopova for that one)

It taught me to not care what others think of your path.
To grab onto it and run.
Let it overtake you even when it scares the sh*t out of you.

Manifesting works. Try it. I still am.
And if you doubt it…
(I am currently typing these words and staring at the horizon line of the ocean in the distance from my studio window.)
This blog is not meant to be a brag or boast about where I currently see myself, but more so a “YOU CAN TOO!” and owning your own current reality. For awhile there, I was ashamed because I was not a “full-time” artist.

I was unhappy with where I was in my life and I am still healing from that.
I am learning to expand myself and take responsibility for my artistic growth.
Reframing the “starving artist” mentality and letting go of past judgments from those who no longer serve me.
We all have our wounds.

I hope we can grow together. <3
Write your dreams down.
This sh*t works.

newest self-portrait

5 Ways to Stay Creative in Times of Uncertainty

It seems that the days are blending together.
Minutes melting into hours.
Days to weeks.
We have good days and bad.
We feel inspired, then depleted.
Bored and resentful…
Asking ourselves why it even matters to exert.

The truth is…
it does matter.
Your ideas matter.

Here are some ways that I have remained creative
during this period of uncertainty.

a sunrise shot i took last week over the ocean :)

1) wake early

In this time, where there isn’t any structure to our days, it’s important to rise and practice getting out of bed.
Sure… you can have rest days or sleep in if you need to – but waking up – although hard at first…
GETS ME MOVING.
It’s not so hard either, when coffee is waiting. :)

2) meditate

Okay, you’re probably thinking this one is ridiculous.

I don’t need to meditate, I already sit on my couch and relax.
I already lay in bed in silence.
Yes, sometimes it feels like meditating… but when TikTok is involved, it’s not quite the same.
I meditate when I jog.
I meditate when I paint.
No.

Meditation requires turning off all of your senses, then sit/lay still.
This will ground you and keep you centered.
It’s a beautiful way to reset and regroup.
If you aren’t sure how to begin… I use the app Insight Timer or Headspace.

My current favorite is a heart-centered meditation.
Listen to some theta waves, nature sounds, or silence and repeat these four, simple lines:

I breathe in through my heart,
I breathe out through my heart.
I breathe in love through my heart.
I breathe out peace through my heart.

3) Read

Keep your mind engaged.
Turn off the news. Refresh.
Read a spiritual book.
Current favorites:

• A New Earth by Eckhardt Tolle

• How to Be an Artist by Jerry Saltz

• The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

• Awakening by Dr. Erin Fall Haskell

If those aren’t your cup of tea, try a thriller or romance.
Something that will stimulate your brain and take you into a fantasy.
Forget yourself for a moment.

4) Take a walk/bike ride – move.

You’ve probably been sitting around scrolling TikTok, Facebook and Instagram wondering why you are feeling a bit anxious and overwhelmed.
What helps me is getting up and moving my body – getting out of my head – a change of scenery.
However, if you cannot do this and it is not an option… maybe do some yoga to move. If the weather isn’t good and I can’t make it to the beach, I will definitely go sit on my mat.
It’s like a breath of fresh air for you and your mind.
(Also, with changes of scenery, ideas usually come and flow more easily.”

5) Journal

Yes, open that diary.
That is how I wrote this blog post. Ideas are when one puts pen to paper.
If you’re feeling down… write it down.
If you are feeling at peace… write it down.
If you’re feeling tired and groggy, grab your journal and throw it out an open window.
…jk.
Consistency is key.
Journaling is healing.

Just start.

Creative blocks in any form, usually come when we overthink what we’re doing.
When we forget why we love the process so much.
Remember why you love to do this and let your mind go.
Connect with your inner creative child and go for it.

What makes you feel creative? …comment below if you have any additions to these :)

Happy Earth Day - My Painting of Mother Earth

She was a delicate mix of abundance and destruction.
A force of nature.
She gently massaged the inner crevices of your heart,
yet dug her fingernails into every pore of your skin…
until you bled.

Mother Earth is gentle.
She is kind.
Luminous and dark.
Growing and sinking.
All at once.

I don’t know about you, but this Earth Day hits me a bit differently now.
I feel that our Earth is growing and thriving,
while we are being suffocated,
being swallowed into her depths.
It is strangely comforting to look at it this way.

I’ve never heard more birds singing each morning.
Yet, maybe they were all along, and this Earth Day,
I can take the time to be quiet.
And reflect.
To really enjoy it.

I wanted to create a piece that exemplified Mother Earth and the juxtaposition of her divine power.
This half and half quality.
Good and bad.
Or maybe aim to neutralize the two.
Without one there wouldn’t be the other.

Balance.

In honor of Earth Day, I’m offering 20% off sale on this piece :)
She’s one of my favorites.
Link below:

the beauty of slowing down.

when we slow down,
we take note of it.
we allow the energy of the world – to flow through us.

the sky was a muted blue-ish yellow
the sun beginning to dip down behind the clouds
the sounds of seagulls flying in the glittering light
water glistening before my eyes like painted glass

I’ve been picking up my camera more now, investing my evenings in noticing,
nestling myself into the gentle crevices of the world around me.

my mind: But, you have to do (list the list of things that you MUST get done)… xyz… etc.

my subconscious: please just breathe.
take time. you have an abundance now.

And the truth is, it can wait.
We can all stop rushing for a moment.

I’ve noticed that I also have it a lot easier than others and feel incredibly blessed to be able to walk outside to a serene body of water – a generous landscape to envelope myself into.
With this in mind, my intention is to bring a bit of peace and harmony to your days through sharing what I see through the lens with you.

Photography has always been of interest to me, but I never noticed the true beauty and connection of seeing what the photographer sees when one is confined to the walls of their homes.

I wish to act as a vessel.
Photos being a comforting resting place for the eyes,
inviting them to take a seat…
and be still.
(that is, if eyes could “sit.”)

take a moment.
to slow down.
to take a breath.
to truly see _
that even in the midst of a chaotic time,
She is Golden.
Mother Earth is glittering, iridescent gold.
a marvel.

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