I suppose that what one focuses on, truly does expand.

If you would’ve told me last year that I would have a SEPARATE space for my art studio… I would’ve thought you were insane.
I used to paint on my dining room table at home and my mom would get mad at me for taking up space and making a mess (she recently called me and told me that she missed this.)
In college, I didn’t have a secure studio space for my work — well, I did, I just made excuses not to go (didn’t realize at the time how disconnected I’d been from my work.)
I used to hide away with my work in my bedroom and stuff drawings and paintings into every nook and corner of my room.
Last year, when I moved into my own space, I propped up my canvases in my studio apartment.
I bought a small desk and was proud to have a designated space for my works.
I was grateful for the small amount of space I did have to create.
This year — well… I’ll get into that in a second. I need a moment of reflection.

My space last year… yes that’s my microwave.

I suppose it’s a matter of space. Of taking up space.
I have a calm demeanor…or so I’m told.
I’ve always been a bit frugal. I suppose it’s something that I picked up on when I was younger.
I was shy. I didn’t interrupt in conversation and it’s safe to say I don’t really do that now unless I’m comfortable.
What I’m getting at… is that I never wanted to take up space.
It didn’t come naturally.
I realized that I shouldn’t get angry at myself about this — for; I am currently healing beliefs and experiences from my past.

Let’s rewind…
I’d have a bin of art supplies that I tucked away under my bed and laid out when I was ready to create.
I’d sketch late in the night when my parents would fall asleep and I was awakened by the light of the moon — free of distraction.
I would draw and paint photos of celebrities that made me feel validated and sure of myself (thank you Lauren Jauregui.)
I would lie about why I was creating these empowering images.
I wanted the representation… I wanted to tell stories visually with these figurative works.

I’ve grown to realize that life’s too short to hide what’s important to you.
Silencing the inner critic and realizing that your work can be seen and valued — stepping into that power yourself.
Stop hiding your works under your bed and shoving them “into the closet.”
Make do with what you have and allow yourself to grow creatively.
It is a matter of healing those limiting beliefs and traumas that society seems to suppress.
It is a matter of embodying the work fully and choosing to embrace it.

Don’t listen to the nay-sayers.
This is not a hobby.
Good god, please listen to me if no one else is telling you.
TAKE UP ROOM.
YOU DESERVE IT.

Your higher self would like the room to speak.
She is waiting for you.
Allow her the space to do so.

I suppose it’s only natural then — when I construct a canvas as tall as me that my heart picks up and I question why it’s worth it to take up space in this world with this idea.
When I have enough room for all of my paints and my coffee.
Space to lean back and look at it from another angle.
My ego begins to question.
Such a big project… for what?
I suppose it’s about learning to honor the commitment. Sticking to the process.
Hearing her out.

Being prepared so when someone asks me why I’m creating this 6 foot tall painting that is not commissioned… I will kindly respond, “Because she told me to.”